Imposter Syndrome – and how to overcome it!
Have you ever had a time in your life when everything you did felt fraudulent? Like your achievements had been so far past anything you had ever imagined that you almost self-sabotaged your success? This happened to me early this year, and I’m finally brave enough to write about it.
My Story
I’ve had a full-on career, and most people who have met me would describe my life as one with constant change, challenges to overcome, and adventures that amaze them at how I fit it all in. I started a career in IT when I was 17; back then, it was even more of a rarity to work in technology as a female, but I overcame that and was very successful.
I took a break from full-time employment to raise children, but whilst juggling my life with cold coffees and playdates, I started a distribution company. Based on my children’s personalities today, I nailed it and gave them a great start to life by being at home.
Naturally, at some point, I wanted to wear clean clothes again and sip a hot coffee, so I returned to the world of IT. At this point, everything was cloud-based, so I had the challenge of navigating the world of employment and learning to adapt to massive technological disruption. It remains a true story of mine that, at the time, I presumed that the cloud was referring to a physical cloud in the sky, which, as you can imagine, was very confusing to me when I learnt what it meant. Ironically, this carved my ambition to help others embrace change through experiencing this myself.
After this, I navigated life through a divorce, raising children as a single parent whilst progressing my career from project to business change management. I worked with FTSE 100 companies, big four consultancy firms, and large global organisations, but no matter what life threw at me, I took it in my stride.
A few years after, I started my own company, Simplify Change, with my co-founder Zayn, and within two months, we had three new clients.
Origins of the BEE Methodology©
When I spoke to one of these clients, they asked me to explain business change management because it is a niche area that not everyone understands or is aware of.
So, I sat in a coffee shop and jotted down my explanation, and before I knew it, I created my methodology, known today as the BEE Methodology©. I took this to the client, and they understood it and realised how it would help their projects.
Then someone said, why don’t you write a book, so I sat down and started typing, and I was finished in six months. It was impressive that I managed to do this quickly. But once I finished that first draft, I did nothing with it for ages. I then rewrote it over and over again; my business partner and colleagues were telling me it was ready to go ahead and publish it.
I even cancelled meetings with editors and publishers. It wasn’t good enough, and it wasn’t perfect enough. I made all the excuses possible not to move forward with the book.
The truth is I had FROZE.
Imposer syndrome creeping up on me
I couldn’t shake the internal voices telling me things like, “You are a fraud; you’re not good enough. There are better books; people will read and see right through you.” I started to fear the reviews I would receive and that my lucky streak would run out, and it would be my career over. But at the same time, I never confessed these feelings to anyone, continuing to ignore the traction others were trying to create around me for the book.
I didn’t know what was going on for me.
These questions weren’t answered until early in the year when I attended a conference. Then, a speaker made me stop and think; I found I resonated so much with the topic and everything he was saying.
The subject matter was imposter syndrome:
“Persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success.”
I paused at this moment and thought, I have this long career with evidence that suggests that I know what I am talking about, and yet I am fearful that I cannot do this, so I listened to the speech and went away to do my own research.
And amongst all the information I researched, some interesting facts resonated more:
Imposter Syndrome Facts
I couldn’t stop reading and researching this condition. I had to understand more; the more I researched, the more it resonated with me.
Imposter Syndrome is a learnt behaviour that happens through a set of triggers. We all have brain matter, and this brain matter can do something known as neuroplasticity, which is a set of trigger points that fire off in a habitual way.
Something said or felt causes a reaction that triggers a behaviour or a feeling that creates another feeling, and so on. It’s beneficial in everyday life, but sometimes the responses have a negative connotation which essentially sends us into a downward spiral thought process that ends up with this thing known as imposter syndrome. You react more negatively, and you don’t recognise yourself anymore.
The Imposter Syndrome Cycle
In this example, you can see that the cycle triggers as an example of a new project or task, the anxiety and self-doubt triggers, which is relieved when you complete the project or task and feel a sense of relief.
However, the relief is short-lived, and the rationalisation for your success starts to come in,
“I didn’t do it as well as someone else can.”
Then this increases your self-doubt until the cycle begins again, and then you continue to spiral down. I’m doing this right now, writing this blog, thinking,
“I don’t know what I’m talking about; people will read this and doubt it. XYZ could have written better.”
So, what starts to happen is that you assume that what you know is tiny compared to others, but the truth is, you know what you know, and they know what they know.
Assumption vs Reality
So how can you tell if you are experiencing Imposter Syndrome? Are there signs or triggers? There are plenty and lots of further reading to help you resonate if you need to. Here are some that resonated with me:
Not believing that you earned your success through your efforts but through chance or other variables. I wrote a book based on ten years of being a business change manager, but I couldn’t believe I wrote this.
Feeling inadequate in terms of ability, education, experience, and intelligence. For me, I never thought I was intelligent when I was younger; I didn’t focus on my education, but then I discovered that I am and am pretty good at writing.
Unable to internalise accomplishments and be proud of your competency and skills. I couldn’t be proud that this was mine; I hated it when people introduced me and mentioned I had written a book; I just cringed.
Exaggerating your flaws and failures. I would say, “Oh, it’s no big deal, just a business book.” I wasn’t taking credit or ownership of my abilities.
I felt I didn’t deserve it, and I needed to break that.
And how do I break it?
Focus on Facts: Perform a SWOT analysis on yourself and sit with the facts rather than feelings.
Acknowledge, Validate, and Let Go: Recognise that feeling.
Reframe Your Thoughts: Reshape the way you think and set realistic goals.
Share How You Feel: Trust and discuss with someone you can confide in; most have experienced this.
Learn from Your Peers: No one here is the master of everything; lean and learn from each other.
Pat Yourself on the Back: Be kinder to yourself.
So, the happy-ever-after ending:
I worked through this feeling.
Made a call to a friend.
Flew to Portugal.
Checked out of my life for a week.
I finalised my book and published the book in 2022. And guess what? Since then, that book that I almost never published has turned into a full-fledged training course.
I have a new company, BEE Change Ltd, where I am leading a team creating great content and courses that are now upskilling the lives of hundreds of project people and coincidentally helping the business colleagues they are supporting! It turns out I couldn’t be more proud of my efforts.
So, imposter syndrome happens, and there are ways to overcome it and work through it. May it never happen to you, but if it does… I hope you can recognise and work through yours.
Nicola Graham - Founder of BEE Change Ltd.
Would you like to read my book?
Build, Excite, Equip: How to Simplify Change Adoption in Your Projects.
